Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
