Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
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Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
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I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
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