You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Dicks are not precious.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
