It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
