what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
