She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
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I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
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I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.