Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
