4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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