He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
There's always time for handjobs
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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