Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
