thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize