Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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