We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
