He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
