don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
