we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
