God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
