You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
grandma shit on top of the toilet
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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