Where did you get a picture of my penis
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Randomize
