i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
