You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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