Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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