some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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