walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
