we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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