we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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