Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
