I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
