before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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