My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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