She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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