why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
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