you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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