Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
