I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
