best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
