I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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