Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize