But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
