Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
