super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
