Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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