well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Randomize
