You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Who died my cat blue again?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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