So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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