All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
