If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
