Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
