It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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