Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I didn't notice because vodka
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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