genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
