i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
