How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
