Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
