I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
23 People Confess The Trashiest Thing They’ve Seen In Person
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
19 Transgender People Reveal The First Sign That They Were Trans
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?