You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.