just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.