it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.