Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
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What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day