Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Me too. Send a cab. Order food.

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  (502): Me too. Send a cab. Order food. http://tfl.nu/uwpo
  Replies (2) Good night (1167) Bad night (556)
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.

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  (714): I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality. http://tfl.nu/yabq
  Replies (10) Good night (939) Bad night (1195)
• Favorite

  (204): View more from Manitoba

  you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"

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  (204): you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun" http://tfl.nu/u1ro
  Replies (34) Good night (7619) Bad night (1220)
• Favorite

  (571): View more from Virginia

  every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman

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  (571): every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman http://tfl.nu/7ssg
  Replies (6) Good night (4012) Bad night (1061)
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...

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  (217): her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name... http://tfl.nu/e8r1
  Replies (18) Good night (1101) Bad night (4739)
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.

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  (916): Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity. http://tfl.nu/tb29
  Replies (4) Good night (3271) Bad night (1070)
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home

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  (484): hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home http://tfl.nu/2xw9
  Replies (8) Good night (3936) Bad night (1218)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?

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  (609): why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs? http://tfl.nu/z5vs
  Replies (19) Good night (633) Bad night (1865)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.

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  (801): Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard. http://tfl.nu/rl99
  Replies (9) Good night (2503) Bad night (905)
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.

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  (607): No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk. http://tfl.nu/h3m8
  Replies (14) Good night (2423) Bad night (776)
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?

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  (231): Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often? http://tfl.nu/yhxm
  Replies (4) Good night (1837) Bad night (697)
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.

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  (937): My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you. http://tfl.nu/3o9h
  Replies (4) Good night (2899) Bad night (729)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)

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  (917): Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.) http://tfl.nu/7rgs
  Replies (3) Good night (988) Bad night (518)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success

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  (203): I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success http://tfl.nu/5jtv
  Replies (0) Good night (797) Bad night (439)
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.

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  (604): Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy. http://tfl.nu/syw5
  Replies (4) Good night (646) Bad night (449)

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