I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
