Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
