I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
