I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
