Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
This house was built for laser tag.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
