I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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