from now on my penis is your penis
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
