So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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