Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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