I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
