On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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