This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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