I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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