they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Just pee around me
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
