Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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